Fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkk.
I think I might have actually hurt myself with this one. Regardless of how often I repeat the fact that only idiots work out until they hurt themselves, I think I might have finally did it. It hurts. Every bit of my chest and back hurts. Dammit.
In my head, I can't stop replaying articles about Crossfit's Uncle Rhabdo. I wake up with little strength in my chest and swollen, and I'm frankly worried. I spend a lot of time monitoring my state. Checking to make sure I still pee. "This," I say to myself, "is a fucking awful idea.
Right now, I am on break. A brief one. Combo of the scariness of the aftermath of the challenge and nature repeatedly punching me in the face with sandbags full of pollen. The allergies piss me off. I can't breathe, and it's something I am so used to.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Day 3: Yoga
This workout had some moves I definitely haven't seen before. P90X Yoga had 90 minutes of back breaking, painful, yoga. P90X3, surprise, has 30 minutes of backbreaking yoga done at a speed almost sure to wind up with me concussed after bashing my head into my media console in some tree pose gone horribly wrong.
Yesterday's agility work wore out the stabilizing muscles in my feet. That means, come balance postures, I'm all over the place. I couldn't even get into tree. My five-year-old with ADD can get into tree and manage to stay there. I am the calm, cool center of the fucking universe! I am so chill that relative motion between particles ceases! It's just a tree pose! Are my thighs really so fat and so slippery I can't do this!? Bollocks.
Our workout buddies today included a mom of six ("showing all the moms how yoga can be done") who could be mistaken for Brittany whatserface from Joe Dirt and a guy who only reinforces my inherent distrust of men who wear Lululemon. The third of our intrepid exhibitors I actually find kind of sassy and refreshing and kind of calls Tony out on his shit. Good job, Stephanie. You have earned a name.
Top quotes from the evening:
What the hell is airplane? For fucks sake? You want me to do what? I can't put my head there!
In twisted half moon: Oh my GOD! MY GLUTE IS ON FIRE! FIGURATIVELY ON FIRE!
Tom's chair? What is going on? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THAT FUCK DOING?
THIS IS WHAT YOU PEOPLE DO TO ME! CAPS! YOU UNDERSTAND! CAPS!
Yesterday's agility work wore out the stabilizing muscles in my feet. That means, come balance postures, I'm all over the place. I couldn't even get into tree. My five-year-old with ADD can get into tree and manage to stay there. I am the calm, cool center of the fucking universe! I am so chill that relative motion between particles ceases! It's just a tree pose! Are my thighs really so fat and so slippery I can't do this!? Bollocks.
Our workout buddies today included a mom of six ("showing all the moms how yoga can be done") who could be mistaken for Brittany whatserface from Joe Dirt and a guy who only reinforces my inherent distrust of men who wear Lululemon. The third of our intrepid exhibitors I actually find kind of sassy and refreshing and kind of calls Tony out on his shit. Good job, Stephanie. You have earned a name.
Top quotes from the evening:
What the hell is airplane? For fucks sake? You want me to do what? I can't put my head there!
In twisted half moon: Oh my GOD! MY GLUTE IS ON FIRE! FIGURATIVELY ON FIRE!
Tom's chair? What is going on? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THAT FUCK DOING?
THIS IS WHAT YOU PEOPLE DO TO ME! CAPS! YOU UNDERSTAND! CAPS!
Days 1 and 2: Total Synergistics and Agility X
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